Falling Back on Routines

So today we're a family living apart (sigh).

It's been several months in coming, but Ric has finally had to move out to Tampa and we said good bye this morning. The kids took it totally in stride- last night Alex asked "How many years is Daddy going to be gone?" as if it were no big deal. I'm not sure if this means that Ric is gone way too much or if the kids are way adjusted and grounded- hoping for the latter.

And unfortunately, the answer is, "almost 2." When he returns from this job, Ethan will be in 3rd grade, Alex in 2nd, and little Evelyn will be starting Kindergarten. I dread to look ahead that far. I'm sure Ric does too. I feel sad for myself that we have to live without him, but even sadder still is that he has to live without us. As best we can we'll fly him home for visits and with luck it'll be about once a month. And we're thinking seriously about spending a lot of the summer over there - but those plans have to wait until he has a handle on some sort of work schedule and travel schedule.

So in the meantime I am trying desperately to map out a schedule for myself and the kids. What days to exercise in the morning, what days to go to the pool, sign the boys up for soccer, swim lessons, organize regular babysitting, one day a week out to dinner.... I'm grasping here to create a sense of regularity to fall back on. To move me through the days, the evenings, the weeks, the months. So that I can stay busy from one thing to the next. And hopefully I'll look around and it'll February, then April, then August, then only one year left, then September, then December, almost there, we'll find out about the next job, then February again, then May, then maybe we'll be selling the house, then summer and we'll finally be a family again.

One of the hardest things (for me) about being a military family and having such frequent times apart- due to training, schools, deployments, reassignments, etc. is that there's such a confusion to life when you're not intact. Especially when you have kids. I try to be so mindful about living in the present, experiencing THIS MOMENT that I am in, listening or loving RIGHT NOW because I know it's fleeting. But then when you're living without part of your family, all you want to do is look ahead to the NEXT TIME you talk, email, see each other, get a letter, send pictures, finally live together. Living in the present is akin to not moving forward, not getting closer to that day when you can reunite. The duality of it can make you CRAZY. The irony can make you cry.

I can already tell that it's going to make me crazy this time too. So I seek the solace of the regular schedule - it's comforting, it's reliable, it keeps the kids happy and feeling safe, and it moves us through these hard times.