I am NOT a Red Cross Volunteer!

How's that for a quick 180?

Either I'm:
a) being wise about my family and my time, or
b) I'm totally lame.

Personally, I'm feeling a lot of both right now. In an embarrassed state, I slinked to my email and sent a message to the volunteer coordinator of the Red Cross to let her know that..."my husband is going to be deploying several times over the next 18 months for 6 weeks at a time. The several hours of extra time that seemed plenty last month has now begun to seem so precious. So I regret to inform you..."

Never mind that I already knew a month ago that Ric would be gone, since, well, he was already gone. But I think it would be a lot lamer to say, "um, this seemed like a really good idea at the time, but now I don't really think so." How's that for professional? Aren't you eager to hire me when I'm ready later? Right.

I guess what it comes right down to is this has been the easiest separation I've had to deal with since Ric and I had kids. When he was deployed before, I had babies- nursing around the clock, nighttime wakings, days full of "Eat, Play, Sleep" routines, 3 kids at home, no one even in preschool, diapers that went on and on, and I was very spent. It was physically exhausting to do it all myself when the kids were little.

Now, they're a little older and a lot easier. We go to the library today and even though they are quickly getting ahead of me to rush in the building, I can merely yell, "Ethan, you guys WALK to the children't section- I'll meet you there after I return these books." And it's okay. They actually walk, they're actually quiet. I can even stop a moment on the way to browse the adult new fiction section. I tell you, we're cruising. The boys go to school, I get to hang with the little girl all day, she's in preschool 2x/week, I have a babysitter that comes for 4 hours once a week. I don't cook, I do less laundry, I watch all kinds of chic-crap on TV. It's not all bad.

So why do I feel the need to move on and make things hard? What is wrong, for goodness sake, about ENJOYING this time? Nay, WALLOWING in it? It is a little uncomfortable to feel so comfortable right now. But I'm going to NOT take on something else, I'm going to LATHER in this joy, this easiness. I'm going to be okay with being leisurely. I'll call it an exercise in slowing down. Maybe it's an excuse, maybe I'm being wise. I'm really not sure. Either way, I'm ok with it.