You Put the "Big" in Big Brother

Ethan and Evelyn's relationship had a pivotal moment a few weeks ago, and I see it resonating.

We were swimming in 7 Lks, Evelyn back and forth to me, over and over again, as new swimmers are wont to do. But I needed 2 minutes to help Alex with his mask/snorkle. Unbeknownst to me, Evelyn just came on swimming even though I was paying no attention (also as new swimmers are wont to do). With me completely absorbed in something else, Evelyn struggled, went under and (I guess) started that whole drowning process. By the time I looked up, Ethan had her in his arms, telling her that "it'll be okay, I have you." She was gasping and choking and visibly upset. By the time I realized the situation and got to her, she was coughing, crying, and really visibly upset.

I promptly thanked Ethan (over and over), for recognizing that she was in trouble and needed someone, rather than just going off to continue to swim, assuming 'Mom'll get it.' It would have been a much dire situation had he not a) seen she needed help, and b) actually acted on her (very important) need. Basically I conveyed to him what a ginormous deed he's just done.

Later on that day:

Ethan: "Evelyn, you can sit next to me." (moving over to make room)

Ethan: "No, Evelyn, we've already started this game of monopoly, but you can be the banker (!)"

Ethan: "Evelyn, I'll play with you."

Before 'the drowning/saving incident' Ethan didn't really have much time for his little sister. Mostly she was Alex's deal- they two were the peas in a pod, thick as thieves, best buddies, and Ethan was the older brother, who didn't really engage much.

Now, it's different. He's her protector, her knight, her prince. Her big brother, with all the rights and responsibilities of that title. I can see that now he understands what his relationship is to is little sister. Where he fits in when it comes to being that big brother. It's not just a place in the birth order; it means he should look out for her safety, give her a hand when she needs help, stand up for her when's she's being treated unfairly. That moment when he plucked her out of the water, he grew up a little (a lot). Did they stop fighting? Not a chance. But has this changed the way they look at each other? Definitely.

This is just what a parent hopes for when we endlessly badger "be nice!" "play fair!" "think how he/she feels!" We don't ever say, "if someone's drowning, stop what you're doing and help out for pete's sake!" but we hope that that will be the consequence of our endless, nagging teachings.

Ethan, you rose up that day. I hope what I witnessed was a fleeting glimpse of the young man you will grow to be. Someone who doesn't just see and watch but someone who acts.

I've never been prouder. And more thankful.