Baseball Games

Yesterday it was my day to pick up my boys from school as well as my neighbor's 1st grade girl and K boy - I do this about twice a week. Anyway, it was BEAUTIFUL out yesterday after school and- when I told them to go play outside, the kids decided they wanted to play baseball - and that they wanted me to play too.

First, I searched my brain in rapid-fire trying to think if there was something WAY important to do that I could slink out of this baseball game. The thought of all 5 kids playing baseball outside whilst I piddled around inside, merely watching them from the window was REALLY appealling. No dings in my brain searching for an excuse.

So I played too. For about an hour. And it was so much fun. There really wasn't anything more important to do than that after all.

I am NOT a Red Cross Volunteer!

How's that for a quick 180?

Either I'm:
a) being wise about my family and my time, or
b) I'm totally lame.

Personally, I'm feeling a lot of both right now. In an embarrassed state, I slinked to my email and sent a message to the volunteer coordinator of the Red Cross to let her know that..."my husband is going to be deploying several times over the next 18 months for 6 weeks at a time. The several hours of extra time that seemed plenty last month has now begun to seem so precious. So I regret to inform you..."

Never mind that I already knew a month ago that Ric would be gone, since, well, he was already gone. But I think it would be a lot lamer to say, "um, this seemed like a really good idea at the time, but now I don't really think so." How's that for professional? Aren't you eager to hire me when I'm ready later? Right.

I guess what it comes right down to is this has been the easiest separation I've had to deal with since Ric and I had kids. When he was deployed before, I had babies- nursing around the clock, nighttime wakings, days full of "Eat, Play, Sleep" routines, 3 kids at home, no one even in preschool, diapers that went on and on, and I was very spent. It was physically exhausting to do it all myself when the kids were little.

Now, they're a little older and a lot easier. We go to the library today and even though they are quickly getting ahead of me to rush in the building, I can merely yell, "Ethan, you guys WALK to the children't section- I'll meet you there after I return these books." And it's okay. They actually walk, they're actually quiet. I can even stop a moment on the way to browse the adult new fiction section. I tell you, we're cruising. The boys go to school, I get to hang with the little girl all day, she's in preschool 2x/week, I have a babysitter that comes for 4 hours once a week. I don't cook, I do less laundry, I watch all kinds of chic-crap on TV. It's not all bad.

So why do I feel the need to move on and make things hard? What is wrong, for goodness sake, about ENJOYING this time? Nay, WALLOWING in it? It is a little uncomfortable to feel so comfortable right now. But I'm going to NOT take on something else, I'm going to LATHER in this joy, this easiness. I'm going to be okay with being leisurely. I'll call it an exercise in slowing down. Maybe it's an excuse, maybe I'm being wise. I'm really not sure. Either way, I'm ok with it.

New Toilets

I changed my toilet seats out on Sunday. "What?" you may be thinking, "you can change out toilet seats?"

That was my first thought too, until I noticed the screws in the back. A-ha! I actually DON'T have to live with peed-on, yellow-stained toilet seats for the rest of my life! huh, how about that!

After potty-training 3 kids on my toilets, they are REALLY bad, REALLY REALLY bad, really.

This is a man's job (I was thinking that too), but I did it myself. And now I have fresh, clean, WHITE, no-pee toilet seats in both of my main bathrooms, with decorative hardware.

Imagine that; I almost feel like I have a new house!

Wham!

I no longer have Suburban guilt. I have Suburban Love and Thankfulness.

We were hit from behind last night on the way home from soccer. It was a hard hit, but we were all fine, just jarred. The other car was smashed and undriveable. We have only a broken hatch door handle.

Thank you, Suburban, for being so big! Today I will offer up more recyclables to the Carbon Gods just to be sure you continue to keep us safe.

BarackObamaBarackObamaBarackObamaBarackObama

This little girl has been repeating these words over and over again all day like a mantra. I think I just may have the future president of the Future Democrats of America on my hands. Or maybe Obama's campaign, in a spiritual coup, is channelling my little girl in an effort to get her parents to vote for him.

I think it's working.

Valentines Day

Oh, this week was fun. I helped 3 kids get their valentines ready for school- Ethan so much time making a cute pink and red valentine box to receive his mail, and each of them addressed, signed and attached tatoos to valentines for each of their classmates. In all, 63 valentines with tatoos. The tatoos required a little too much fine motor dexterity for my kids to fit them, so...

To whoever invented the valentine tatoo - a cute little 1x1 square that fits into the fatory-created slits on the valentine - if I meet you on the street I think I might scratch your eyes out.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Oh, and to my husband who sent me flowers (on the 15th anniversary of our first date) with the beautiful card that said he thinks of me always while he's gone... I love you too, and Happy Valentine's Day!

I am a Red Cross Volunteer (well, after the background check)

OK, interview was easy. The Red Cross is clearly more concerned with having a warm body to help than about anyone's previous experience/credentials/skills/ability. And that's okay with me too. I wasn't really looking for a drilling of why I've done little besides change diapers and sweep and give orders like "turn the TV off" for the past 6 years. And I think there's a spot for me...with the flexibility and independence that I need right now.

I'm going to join their team of grant writers.

This team (of 3, 4 including me) has just been formed, so there's not really any direction right now, but there are willing bodies - the most important factor.

Not really sure how this will all play out, but I know a little about grant writing, I've reviewed and evaluated grantees before (that's got to count for something!) and I can work from home doing the research and putting things together. And pretty much ALL non-profits need grant writers-- and since I'll likely end up at a non-profit when I head back to work in a few years, this could be good experience without the pressure.

This, I think I can do.

Egad!

An interview at the Red Cross in an hour.

I'm a little jumpy, but composed. I realize, after all, that I am interviewing too. Not sure if this is going to be right. The hours, the time committment, the degree of flexibility. (am I backpedalling again? maybe). I'm starting to wonder if I haven't jumped the gun here. Why is it that I'm comfortable, cruising with my family where we are (Dad gone, single mom) and that I feel the need to move on from here? I'm wondering if I need to revel in this comfort a little longer. Surely it can't be good for my psyche to create time constraints and running around where there is none?

I'm wondering if maybe I should just embrace my contentment here, as we are, me still home, still taking care of the house and the kids 'stuff' and my little one without throwing something else into the mix.

We'll see.

Time to Give Some Time

I was thinking last week that I'd like to get started on something. Something that's not laundry, dusting, soccer practice, or cooking dinner- type something. Something that actually is beyond this house and this family. So I browse a wonderful website (http://www.volunteermatch.com/) to see if there's anything out there that can fit my present situation:

Want to help, still have little one at home, not too many hours, not too much committment, related to the skills I used to have once upon a time. Is this too much to ask?

Well, I found a couple volunteer positions that might suit and flew off an email with my basic summary ("Stay-at-home mom with bachelors and masters degrees, professional demeanor, willing to commit.") I neglect to add that the masters was 10 years ago and I haven't worked in 7 of those.

So I get responses to both and they want an.......INTERVIEW. (key the scary music) And a RESUME (key even scarier music).

The thought of an interview makes my palms sweat. I immediately think that I shouldn't have gotten myself into this, it's way to soon, I still have a baby at home, what was I thinking, I don't even have any good clothes, I haven't worked in 7 years, I haven't interviewed in 10, where do I even keep my resume?... the backpedalling is endless.

But then I think. How hard can this be? I've interviewed before. If they didn't want me to apply, they wouldn't have set up the meeting. It's a volunteer job for goodness sakes!

What if I have a panic attack right in the middle? What if I don't know what to say? I am aghast at how crazily this is affecting me!

But I really want to do this. I'm ready to do this. So Iwill forge ahead, completely ignore my feelings of inadequacy about the whole thing and just jump in. To be continued....

What's For Dinner?

Yesterday I took out some spaghetti sauce I had frozen about a month ago (thinking WAY ahead, I tell you) thinking "perfect, spaghetti for dinner" - add frozen meatballs and there you go, everyone's happy.

About 5:00 I peer into my cupboard looking for the pasta. You know, the pasta that EVERYONE ALWAYS HAS on hand. It may be vermicelli, ziti, rotelli, or a combination of the bottom of the box of all three, but everyone always has pasta, right? Yea, not me, not now. I continue staring blankly into the vast space that is my cupboard...canned pumpkin, 10 lbs white rice, cream of mushroom soup, raisins, peanut butter, taco shells. Mmmm. I guess we're not having spaghetti.

You see, I'm one of those people who gets satisfaction from making something that might pass for a healthy dinner when there's almost nothing in the house. I like to see the space in the cupboard, it tells me I haven't wasted food and it's easy to see what I have. I haven't gone to the grocery store prematurely to just fill up with things I don't need...yet. Things are simple that way. There are others who get satisfaction from the FULL cupboard and the FULL freezer. Not me. But when Ric's home, I am really good about making full dinners and I usually have plenty of food, and this part of me is not expressed so much.

But when Ric's not home, I use the term "cooking" very loosely. I figure if I have cut and steamed carrots and we all sit down at the same time, I've cooked. Never mind that those carrots could go with macaroni and cheese or oatmeal. Either way, I've cooked.

Anyway, spaghetti turned into tacos last night (yes, even I always have cheese). Thank goodness tonight it's a fundraiser night tonight at Chik-Fil-A. Whew! Maybe tomorrow we'll have rice and raisins.

Decisions, Decisions

Sorry, for those of you who have whiplash from me constantly changing my template. I'm feeling very indecisive these days. Maybe I'll actually settle on something soon!

The chocolate was yummy, but too hard to read.

Hi Daddy, Bye Daddy!

The kids woke up Saturday morning to a BIG surprise...Daddy was home, having arrived in the middle of the night. I heard the door open about 3:30am and Sequoia's tail "womp, womp, womp" on the hardwood floor when he came in.

Ethan, we could tell, didn't quite register that Daddy was here and that it was unusal...when he came in the bedroom, he said "what's the surprise?"...it took a moment to realize that Dad was home! (I'm looking on the positive side that life must be SO NORMAL and STABLE for him that he hardly notices that a major part of his family isn't around.) Evelyn followed and was speechless; and also a little teary. I think she was so full of emotion, all she could do was give a big hug. Alex followed and was visibly excited... later he said "that was the best surprise ever!"

A short weekend, though, Ric was already on his way out by Sunday night, a red-eye flight through Las Vegas to Tampa, arriving around 7:00am in time to get to work.

It was so nice to have him home, kind of like he never even left! And the football gods smiled down on him when the Giants won the Super Bowl last night. I think Ric's so happy about the win, it's not fazing him too much that he's still actually stuck in Las Vegas, will be missing work all day today, and will get back to Tampa later tonight if he's lucky.

Well, we'll see you in 10 days for the next visit!